I positioned my phone on the center table, aligning the screen to my face. I opened the camera and switched the settings to video before pressing the record button.
“Irene Rosario. EM 001884. Supervised by Dr. Cynthia Dizon.”
I’ve sat in front of my phone’s camera many times before. This time, it will be quite different. It won’t be as quick and easy like all the other reports I did in the past.
“Report #53. Started recording at exactly 20:08 on a Saturday, October 9, 2027.”
I took the notepad out of my pocket, opening it at the exact page where I last wrote on. I sighed, hoping to get through this as quickly as possible.
“The week started as usual. On Monday, I took vitamin EI right after I had my breakfast. I then proceeded with my day: went to the gym, headed to work, had lunch, went back to work, got off work, had dinner with friends from the office, went home, checked my Limbic Meter, finished a few paperwork, and watched a movie but fell asleep in the middle of it.”
I checked my notes once again, just to be sure.
“From Monday to Thursday, that was basically my routine. My Limbic Meter was regulated throughout the aforementioned days.”
My finger grazed the rough texture of the paper, lingering on the bullet point of what I have to say next.
“Something new happened yesterday, though.” I trailed off. My eyes now shifted on my wrist where a smart watch was attached.
Grief at 17%
“Nothing particularly big happened, but it was the start. I suppose it shouldn’t have affected me this much by now. But that’s where the Limbic Meter came to help.” I tried to be careful with my words, not wanting to stir myself.
“I sat beside my friend at work. She usually gets a call from her mother some time before lunch. Yesterday, Lucy was teaching her mom how to video chat instead of the usual phone call. Even though I try not to, I can see and hear everything from where I was sitting.”
Grief at 24%
“They were just talking about the mundane things of everyday life. And something about the unspoken intimacy between Lucy and her mom, made me remember that I once had that.”
My voice cracked at the last word, but I cleared my throat quickly to hide it.
Grief at 32%
“My Jealousy percentage spiked at 37%. I couldn’t bring it to a much lower number after that.”
I went home that day wanting to distract myself, so I took this opportunity to clean. It’s something I always intended to do, but barely got the time to do it. Plus, I can use my time efficiently by listening to an audio book.”
I glanced at my notepad and tightened my grip on it. Only noticing now that my hands were shaking ever so slightly.
“And so, I cleaned. I cleaned every corner of the house, every furniture, every dust. Everything worked out fine as my Jealousy lowered to 9%. But I didn’t stop there. I continued to tidy up the house more, knowing I’ll never get the chance again. Then, somewhere in between, I casually entered my parent’s room.”
I didn’t realize I loosened my grip on my notepad until I heard a thud on the floor. While picking it up, I caught a glance on my watch.
Grief at 40%
I collected myself and was forced to remain in control. I took a few deep breaths, but I can still feel my heart beating a little faster than it should.
Grief at 38%
“I was too late when it came to me. I can only ask how I could enter that room as if it’s just like any other. Going through their things; wiping off any remaining presence they have in the room.”
Grief at 43%
“But I already had the camera on my hand. An old digicam from my 10th birthday buried in a box full of their things.”
A tear fell on my cheek and I let it slowly roll off.
Grief at 49%
“Yesterday, when holding that digicam, it took me back to when I told my parents weeks before my birthday that I wanted a camera just like my dad who was a photographer that time. I was so happy that I took a picture of everything every second that passed.”
I smiled at the thought of me aspiring to become like my dad.
Grief at 51%
“Later in the evening—”
I was alarmed when a beeping sound suddenly erupted, interrupting the report. I pressed the pause button on my phone’s screen and took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I kept on pressing the silent icon on my watch, but it wouldn’t work. The beeping sound continuously blasted in the room until the ringing echoes in my ears, forcing me to curl up within myself wishing to block the sound and feeling away.
Grief at 48%
I slowly lifted my head, hesitantly removing my palms from my ears. I took one deep breath as I leaned my head on the sofa.
After a while, I pressed the resume button.
“At 20:34 of October 9, 2027, in the middle of filming Report #53, the Limbic Meter alarm went off again as Grief went beyond the limit of 51%. It is now controlled at 48%.”
This time, I didn’t bother looking for the notepad. I know by memory what I have to narrate next.
“Continuing on where I left, the evening of my 10th birthday, my family and I were supposed to eat dinner outside to celebrate, but before we could even reach the destination, we got into a tragic accident. It caused the horrible death of my parents, leaving me as the only survivor.”
Grief at 49%
“With my report reaching its conclusion, I believe that the memories the digital camera holds were the reason why my Grief rate constantly spiked since yesterday evening.
With Dr. Dizon’s recommendation, I will take two tablets of vitamin EI starting tomorrow to help maximize the use of my emotions without getting out of control. On this note, I end my report.”
I stopped recording and sighed.
Anger at 2%
I decided to send the video to Dr. Dizon without tidying the footage, so I can finally rest for today. My finger hovered over the send button, my eyes on Dr. Dizon’s name on the screen.
Anger at 16%
Grief at 53%
With the beeping sound resonating in the room once again, I was too preoccupied with my emotions to even notice.
With anger and grief building up, at least for this time only, I needed to feel those emotions with all my body can allow. Just for tonight, I don’t want to suppress my emotions anymore.
So, I removed my watch despite knowing the consequences it would cause later on.
Anger at 0%
Grief at 89%
Guilt at 65%
Happiness at 63%
